If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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