not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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