Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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