do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
