Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
