please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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