I just pynch a tree in the face
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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