Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize