Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
