the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
