No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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