Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
