So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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