I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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