She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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