Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
