Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
