Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
