I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
