Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
