Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You need a sexual gate keeper
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
