I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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