is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize