She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
