I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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