Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
