Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
