im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
