Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
