My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
