remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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