I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize