I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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