as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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