my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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