So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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