I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
