Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
