Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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