maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
