i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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