why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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