She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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