My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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