How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize