ugly people sure do ruin things
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize