Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
