It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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