If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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