I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
