The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
