She said her name was "party"
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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