I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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