Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize