I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
