dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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