A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
