He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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