Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
