i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
