so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
