You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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