is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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