what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
