that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
