we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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