i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
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