Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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