If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
