Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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